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ditto, same as title

Friday, December 03, 2004

Well, I'm over the trots. Still have a stomach ache once in awhile since then. Couldn't even finish a glass of wine last night. Yuck, that's how it tasted.

Sort of getting ready for Christmas. Tired of the gift giving thing----NO, that's not it. Tired of having to spend copious amounts of money to "do" the Christmas thing. Would prefer something simpler.

So would the family---except Olivia. She wants to give a list and have people surprise her. Jeremy is content to get money as go get what he wants. That's what we plan to do. Mark wanted shoes and a leather jacket. I want a new bible and a workout video.

Didn't get that job at the recreation center that I was hoping for. Have two classes in the winter at the rec center. I'm getting tired of people not following through. I don't know how to get people to follow through. Frustrating.

Well, back to work!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

It's Sunday the something-th of November. I think it's the 28th

I still have the trots, but only once in a while. My intestines still hurt, but I am able to eat a little bit. Not much. Coffee, coke, glass o' wine. Those work okay. Everything else makes me run to the bathroom.

Day after Thanksgiving, I found the yams in the oven! That was funny...I was feeling better, that's why it was funny. We never missed the yams at dinner.

Oh, I never did go to Washington with Mark. I just couldn't. So, I didn't. It was more about money and stuff. But what I said about not liking to leave home still sticks.

Viva still has an ear infection.

Got a "new" web browser and email just a few minutes ago. Hope it helps stop the junk and virus problem.
I need to fix the kids' computer for the same reason: junk and virus.

Mark is calling prospective real estate clients. I am really happy for him! Finally, he's doing what he was supposed to do 12 years ago when God told him to do it!

I didn't get the job with the Rec Center. Rats. Now what. I guess I stick with dog training. I was secretly hoping to be off the hook and also, to make more money!

Well, time to rearrange the fridge. Sounds like fun, eh?


Thursday, November 25, 2004

Feeling blue.

I was drying my hair and putting on my makeup and the thought that this life is just a blink of an eye made me blue-er.

How much time have I wasted?

Are my priorities correct?

Is my direction accurate? Am I missing the boat?


Thanksgiving Day, 3PM
I'm feeling incredibly sorry for myself
This is one of those times in my life when I can see in the future---that the screw ups will look funny or no one will remember them...but right now I feel like a total failure and I'm sinking deeper into depression. I just found the 3 cups of milk and melted butter in the microwave---and have been wondering what the heck is wrong with the pumpkin pies. Now I know and I actually have tears down my face because of that. What a stupid thing to cry about.

I haven't felt this depressed in a long long time. I wonder why it's now.

My dog has an ear infection. Got medicine. Mark has some prospects for real estate. That's a good thing. His dream come true. I wonder if it's cuz I'm sick. Or am I hiding something deeper from myself again.

Jeremy is sleeping---he was out all night with his youth group. No sleep. A sleep-less sleep over. Olivia is at work. The dogs are waiting for me to get off my rear and play with them. My hair is wet, my eyes are wet and I feel like shit. Maybe that's my problem. I've had the trots for three days.

I was washing dishes awhile ago and thinking, some day this will be gone. Some day I won't do this. Someday I will be in Heaven. I won't wash dishes.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Today is Sunday, November 7, 2004.
Tomorrow I am traveling by rented car to Washington to visit Mark while he is "stationed" there, working on someone's house. I wonder if he even realizes how it practically paralyzes me to leave home---to leave my children home, to leave my dogs, to leave my surroundings.

i don't think he has a clue.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

I have been praying for so many people.

I used to keep a notebook of prayers, but all that paper just clogs up my basement.

There is no real way to keep track of prayer and answered prayer, so maybe this is the answer.

I have been praying for Veronique. I have asked the Lord to heal her children and to keep her mind and heart secure in Him. She is such a young Christian.

I have been praying for Olivia and Jeremy and Mark.

I have been praying for myself, as well.
More later.
It is December 4.

I was just going to sit down and write my thoughts and my daughter says, "Oh, we have to go!"

Time to take her to school.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

I hope someone reads this.

Why should I write these thoughts if only the empty void will read these thoughts.

God reads these thoughts before they appear. He must put his big head in his big hand and shut his big eyes and think a big thought that sounds like big thunder, "Oh, brother!"

And then all the little people on earth say, "ooooh, did you hear that thunder?"

And they never realize it's God saying, "oh brother" about me again.

My husband just walked through the kitchen with his hand pressing his forehead.

That makes me so sad.

Now I am glad I still have this blog. You can see that I'm sad. Maybe you can relate.

I have seen sadness this weekend. It is disguised as "intelligence".

It is disguised as "happiness"

It is disguised as "having it all".

None of us are very happy.

Some of us have joy. But none of us are very happy.

I think we need to go to the next post....this is getting out of hand.

Oh, I see that it's August 17th.

My husband is looking for a lost check.

For some reason, I feel totally responsible, eventho' I never saw that check.

My dog is eating her food now that has been sitting there for four hours or more. She's munching away. How annoying.

The timer just rang on the stove. Our homemade pizza is ready.

No, it is not ready. The crust is still white. I made it myself. I told everyone dinner wouldn't be ready til 9. The first pizza was out right at nine. Now we're waiting for this stupid pizza.

My stomach feels like a knot. I hate this feeling.

I wanted a blog where I could write really beautiful thoughts, like the ones I had while I was kneeding the dough.

I feel ripped off. I feel like my quiet time has been obliterated because my husband can't find that stupid check.

I wonder if he feels that way about me sometimes....that his time has been obliterated because he has to take care of me. And 2 kids and 2 dogs and 1 really overweight cat.

end of thought...
I can't believe this day...
I have gone from wanting to eliminate this blog, going to another journal entry system on the internet, not liking that, bringing up "word pad" on my computer to coming back to blog.

That's how I feel. Like a whirlwind.

I feel like I have two lives. A life in my own head and a life that I live on earth, in this moving body.

I feel a bit pathetic.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

A few days ago, I read a testimonial from a Flybaby (on the main group) who did not really like dusting the furniture when she was a child. I guess her mom made the job unbearable.

I have my own testimonial, but it has a really happy beginning and ending:

When we were little girls (my sister is 6 years older than I am), my Mom gave us housework to do.
One of my favorite jobs (besides vacuuming with that big Kirby vauum) was to polish the furniture.

I must have been 8 years old because I don't think I would have been able to do the job alone much younger than that...(I don't know what job my sister was given)...I remember doing the job alone, but maybe she was there with me. I don't know.

[[[sorry for all the dot dot dots, but follow my thought patterns here----]]]

My Mom gave me/us a shoe-polish sized container of purple/blue beeswax, a piece of cheesecloth, and a little patch of cloth, like flannel.

Our job was to spread the beeswax with a piece of cheesecloth, scrub for 10 minutes, and then rub the paste with the clean flannel until the wax disappeared and the table was smooth and shiney.

I remember my Mom let me drop some water on the table to prove that the beeswax did its job.

I loved that job. I loved it because it gave me great satisfaction. I could see the results.

I am blessed that my Mom is still on earth. I phoned her and dad and asked, "How long did that job take me and Kristin, Mom?"

Her reply: "Oh, about 15 minutes."

What is neat for me is that as a little girl, that fifteen minutes felt like ages!!! But look what I accomplished in 15 minutes. A passion for dusting!

I still love dusting. I love vacuuming. My vacuum broke about a year ago, so I bought myself a cheap shop-vac because I couldn't afford a $400 vacuum cleaner. We don't have carpet, but our house is still satisfactorily clean.

You can do anything in 15 minutes.

I still see that table in my mind's eye. I still see that beeswax container and I still smell the beeswax. My Dad did, too, when I reminded him of my memory! Isnt' that cool?



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